I think we all know people who are a chronic complainers. Every time you see them, they are complaining about the same thing they were complaining about last time.
Not only do I know people like this, I used to be one of them!
The complainer is no fun to be around because the story is always the same. They want very much for the person they are upset with, or the situation they are dealing with, to just go away, but that never seems to happen.
The reason the things we complain about rarely go away or get better is brilliantly described by this phrase from Peter Sage: “Complaining about your current circumstances is the glue that keeps you stuck to them!”
We get more of, or stay stuck in, what we focus our attention on. The problem doesn’t go away because you don’t let it. The character never leaves the stage because you keep giving him/her speaking parts in the play you are directing in your head. When you are complaining, you are shining a spotlight on that person or situation and it loves the attention!
I’m not saying there is no benefit in occasionally venting your frustrations to someone. In deed, it is very healthy to tell a close friend or professional therapist the situation you are struggling with and to ask them to help you move through it. The key to this is the “move through it” part!
Focus your thoughts, words, and energy on what you want, not on what you don’t want. If you are totally consumed with thoughts of love and gratitude for life and excitement about the future you are creating with this positive energy, you won’t have time to notice people or things which, previously, would have been the subject of your complaining.
You are the author, the playwright, the director of your life!
The secret to eliminating the upsetting person or situation from your life is to give it less speaking parts in the play of your life. Let it just be background that nobody pays any attention to. Let the focus of your play be the characters and plot that deserve attention and will leave you feeling more joyful about who and what you are!
— You may hear me speak about this and other similar topics on my Life Is A Marathon podcast
What a powerful quote. I recently came to a similar consciousness in the midst of an overwhelming storm in my life. I sat at my desk constantly telling my problems to anyone who will listen. Then one day after reading a great book I realized that my complaining wasn’t moving me forward.
My words weren’t giving me momentum, they were weighing me down. I wholeheartedly agree that complaining, although it may seem like a relief, is really just a trap.
I enjoyed this post!
Thank you, Frank! Appreciate your comment and the courage of sharing your story of moving forward!
Yes yes yes – I noticed how I was avoided in my complaining so changed. Life is moving beautifully since
Enjoyed this post Bruce. It is easy to get caught in this trap, I think I might even be in it right now. It is a vicious cycle as we always come back to the problems if we give them air-time. I think taking the positives from life and throwing away the negative is a skill to admire in people and something we should all learn
Thank you, Mark. I appreciate positive feedback!
Thank you for your post. I completely agree!
For some reason, it seems we are much more likely to focus on the negative than on the positive and training our minds to focus on the positive is hard work especially when we are in the midst of difficulties.
I am still a “novice in training” but have seen amazing results when I keep my mind on the positive.
Thanks really. You have just put an end to most of my struggles. Out of the trap.
Amazing article
Thanks Bruce